| HERE IT IS!!!! |
[Mar. 11th, 2007|09:18 pm] |
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What youve allllll been waiting for! The charictaristic breakly i want to go back to school entry. I left the last of my school friends over a week ago and i miss everyone terribly! i'm so bored here and theres no one home anyway (except for mole...i still luv you hun...)I just feel like more of myself up there than i do here anymore. I'm starting to stress about school work the same way i was before break and i'm not evenback there yet(as you can probably tell by my entry earlier today)... god if i'm gonn feel the same about school here as i do there i'd rather be there and not let the people here know i'm freaked out...AHHHHH....i suposed if i wasnt home doing homework all day and had something to take my mind off of it it wouldnt be that bad but i cant help it...i have so much to do and i feel like such a terrible slacker when i dont do it...i really wish i could be like some people and just be like FUCK IT, i'm trying thats good enough...but its not good enough...its never good enough for me...how do i take that pressure off myself? i put it there why cant i get rid of it....I JUST CANT!!!! AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! at least at school people see me starting to crack and take work away from me...here its oh youve been studying all day? well do it some more!...meh...i'm just really missing my support system up there and really wanting to go home... |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 11th, 2007|11:54 am] |
Awesome....awesome...AWESOME!!!
Haha the Relient K concert at the Electric Factory in Philly was last night and if you havent figured it out yet...it was AWESOME.We had so much fun! The opening band, Sherwood, was pretty good for a new band. Pretty happy with them. Mae was not too bad...i wouldnt go see them again...but in all fairness i dont know if it was them or their obnoxious pushy rude fans that i didnt like...i think it was more the fans than them...and of course when the headlining band Relient K came on the atmosphere in the room completely changed. Everyone was sigin along and dancing and it was awesome. Very happy about that. I got their new CD...autographed...haha and its really good.
Soooooo anyway...the rest of my week has been....well...it has sucked...spring break is not supposed to suck...ive spent it doing homework and cleaning...how shitty a spring break is that? I'm really nervous about my classes. never before have i aimed for a minimum of a c in a class....i have always aimed for a 87 or better...and usually can do that easily...Eco stats really sucks...i need to do better in it but i dont know how...chem sucks....same as the former...soil science is supposed to be easy but apparently not....the only 2 classes i'm not having problems at all with are beaches and coasts and Argument and Critical Thinking....maybe i should just be a communications major...i excell at bullshit...i dunno i guess i'm starting to get overwhelmed with school again...no other semester has ever been this hard...and its not because i'm stupider than before or the classes are harder...i just cant figure out how to remember this stuff...i feel so lost...i study for hours on end and it doesnt help....especially when you freeze up on tests...i just wish i could get theis shit to actually stay in my head.
well i'm being told to go do laundry and clean and whanot so i'll leave it here for now... |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 4th, 2007|09:47 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  content | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | on the loose | ] |
I feel like a total rock star right now. I got home 24 hours ago and its totally been omg i missed you and wow you look great and such since i got here (and apparently i look like ive lost weight since i was home last so that was really nice to hear even if i think its a load of crap) Its such a pleasant change to my past two weeks. I love seeing everyone again and i so missed them more than i realized. I went to dinner at the Rottkamps today and got into a cake fight with dad #2...so fun...i dunno now though....the 24 hours are winding down now and i'm going this is so weird....i havent laughed with sarah or chilled in 401 or randomly walked into see what was happnin in 407 or had a #1 in the bears den in only 24 hours and i miss it already....GEEZE!!! haha i love my maine family and my family here about equally. I'm just really relaxed and so happy to get away from the stresses that come with college coursework...but i have come to realize over the past 2 wicked hard and stressful weeks for me who i can count on and who i can actually talk to when i need someone without feeling too incredibly foolish, stupid and weak...i still wont initiate conversation but if certain peeps ask me i cantell them what is on my mind without worrying about looking foolish...i hated the weeks and random breakdown that led to that but i really am thankful i realized i can talk to people (Ps thanks guys for taking care of my stubborn ass when i was sick this past week....i know i'm the worst patient ever...thanks for making me listen to you)...i miss all yall already!!!!!
So now...onto explainations of some schtuff that has occurred recently....
I totally lost my cell phone ina snow drift. yes. lost. cell phone. snow drift. Yea laugh about it....i would it i were reading that. I was so pissed. We were goin out to sarahs car to go to dinner on friday(which was a snow day btw...:)) and i guess it just fell out of my pocket. So i realized this when i got in the car and had to go back out and search for it. I swear we were looking forever...So we had courtney call it while we looked...doug heard it ring a few times so we knew it was out there and the general area but it stopped ringing...AHHHH...so Jon and Doug and Sarah and Courtney and i spent upwards of half an hour digging out the sidewalk looking for the damn thing. Doug and Jon found it and i love them for it!!!!! :D...and of course it was at the end of the sidewalk we didnt start shoveling first....of course....but yea...i about had a heart attack i was so pissed...i love all those peeps for putting up with my stupidity and helping me look for it.
So earlier that day we went out to play in the snowstorm....we built 2 snowforts, moley (with some help from the boys) dug an awesome tunnel :D, the girls went sledding and we buried Gimbala....pictures on facebook...lol had so much fun....
And then that night...oh geeze...i had fun...and since when does a guy ever listen when i jokingly tell them to take their shirt off and do pushups and crunches???...hehe oh lord....
well thats it for now...i'm sure theres more to come including the customary I WANNA GO HOME!!!! entry that usually accompanies a break...lol Tootles! |
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| AHH! |
[Dec. 3rd, 2006|10:49 am] |
ok ....so the official countdown is on...15 days until my first final of finals week....EEK!!!!....where did the end of the semester come from!!!it snuck up on us! this all translates into this is going to be a very stressful last 2 weeks for everyone up here...Studmill is going to get alot of visits...i will not freak out about finals...i will not freak out....will not...i hope...oh and i totally woke up this morning and cant breathe through my nose and my throat hurts so yea...i'm getting sick...boooo....
Well now that i'm done with that....lets see....random notes...
WE FOUND THE PURPLE BABOON!!!!!its a wicked cute little gift shop...heheheh..."Belfast...isnt that in Russia???"
We went to Home Depot friday to get wood for our room redecorating....yes i did get into redecorating mode and change things around....not much cuz we have the lof beds but enough to make it more homey....so yea....in Home Depot lookin at the wood...and of course Sarah is like "Ive never been in home depot before!"...very loudly...and people in the isle with us tried to stifle their laughter...oh and "Why did they have the wood in 2 foot incriments! we needed a 7' piece and they only had 8' and 6'...why dont they just go to meters!!!"...does anyone else see how sarahs solution wouldnt have actually solved our problem....and we have a knotting corner now...heheh
So we got back yesterday and people totally did a puzzle...4 college students cramed around a little dinky 5+ puzzle trying to see how fast they could do it..."Ages 5 and up? we should be able to do this in under 5 minutes!"...wheres the math in that???....
well i should be studying and i'm just distracting myself here so i'm gonna go do that... |
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| Soooooooo...... |
[Nov. 19th, 2006|02:47 pm] |
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| |  crazy | ] |
I havent updated in a while and theres much to put on here....but i dont think i'll go into detail cuz that'll take FOREVER...
Weekends of the 10th-12th...
SO i was expecting this weekend to be overall boring and nothing fun and exciting....heheh i was wrong...Ya see my partner in crime was goin to Pennnsylvania....which made me sad...cuz that was to be the first weekend we spent apart since we became roommates ....hahah yea i know that sounds pathetic..sooooo friday after she left i was like meh...no one around...kinda bored...WAIT!!! Wildlife Society is goin bowling against the fisheries society...i'll do that! So...Dawn and i went candlepin bowling ...and i got an 80 and it was oh so exciting!!!!...but yea...Dawn, Mo, Scott adn i were stanin there talkin about theother wildlifers who were out on studmill havin a bonfire and whatnot and we were like man i wish i was out there...but i have stuff to do tomorrow cant stay out there...so we decided meh were just gonna go hang out for a little while and come back tonight. Sooooo we finished bowling and called them....i still cant beleive they had a signal...and we had scott tell them him and dawn were comin out. So we went back to the dorm to get warmer clothing on and pick up beer for scott...and we made our way out to studmill. Sooo....we are supposed to meet them on the road...so we parked right on the side of the road and proceeded to blast music and dance in the road...hehe yea...so Jeff adn Chris finally get to where we were( adn i have to say the look i got was priceless) and we followed them out to the campfire. We got there and i was offered a beer and i was like nah nah is aiight....then for some reason we climbed to the top of one of the gravel pile in the pit....which was awesome...and marcus and jeff like jumped off the one sdie of it and scared the shit out of us...and dawn gave me her beer cuz she decided she didnt want it anymore...then we got back to the campfire...jeremy got me another beer....and another....and Scott forced me to have another...lol...and after 6 i was in a happy place...and my accent kept changing...of course...adn there was dirt in my back pockets everytime i got up which was upsetting...haha...and it was so much fun watchin the guys blowin shit up in the fire...hehehe...I have to say it was absolutely gorgeous out there. there were shooting stars everywhere...absolutely gorgeous....so the car ride home was fun that night....very bumpy dirt road in te middle of nowhere slightly intoxicated....hehe
so the next day Meg and I went on adrive cuz we were bored...and ended up in Winter Harbor...random i know but yea...then we spent the day watching old Audrey and Katherine Hepburn movies....it was pretty fun...
So that sunday sarah was supposed to get home late...so meg and i go to the grocery and come back at about 12:30ish and Sarahis sitting in here....definately scared the shit out of me because i wasnt expeting anyone to be in here at that point....and she is WIRED off energy drinks....*note to self....NEVER let Sarah have energy drinks....so we went to the union for dinner and i told her about my adventure friday night and shes like awww i'm jealous i have to meeet your wildlife friends they sound awesome....swear to god about 30 seconds later Dawn and Marcus come walking up....and Mo goes runnin by...and back...and away again...it was wicked funny....you talk about people and they inevitably show up...haha...so i got invited to another bonfirey thingy on the next friday and was like hell yea! so that is the endof this post cuz its wicked long....next will be up in a minute...or 2... |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 19th, 2006|10:27 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  indescribable | ] |
so its a year...a year and a few days since it happened, almost exactly a year since we buried him. I thought it had healed...it shouldnt have hurt that bad. Ya know the one year anniversary of it happening i cried...alot...prolly freaked out a friend or 2...had many flashbacks to that day adn could hear exactly what people said to me over the phone, hanging up on one friend cuz i couldnt hear another persons voice crack, sitting in thelobby downstairs onthe phone with Cindy just crying not saying a word for over an hour...and today it has been the burial...his mom coming up to me when i was shaking so hard i could barely stand to tell me "Matt loved you. he talked about you all the time, you were truly in his heart, dont cry for him, he would hate that", to taking that flower over to his coffin to lay it on there before it was lowered...everyone in front of me slowed put the flower down and kept walking...i stopped, layed my hand down on it with the flower there and didnt want to leave...i just stood there...people came over nd forced me to let go of the flower and walk away...and the reception afterward when we went into the church where all his mementos were still sitting where i picked up his and jacket and sat on the pew with my face buried in it...
ive been thinking about it...i think i'm ready to let go of that flower now. I wasnt ready for it then and had to do it, this time its my choice. Letting go is hard, but it has to happen. You will always be in my thoughts and prayers piano man. The craziness that was all of us when you were there will never be the same, but we'll survive...thats what you wouldve wanted...i'm done with sadness, i'm done with greiving, its over. I love you Matt. I always have. From the playground fun to that first dance they "forced" us into, to taking over the music department. and i know i will see you again...and that makes all the difference |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 31st, 2006|10:16 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  Meh | ] |
have you ever just felt lonely...even when there are tons of people always around? i dont know...thats just how ive been feeling lately. Its not like anyone has done anything wrong...i just feel isolated...like i'm on the outside looking in...whats up with that??? so many things have been on my mind lately i dont even know what to think about anything anymore... |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 29th, 2006|01:28 pm] |
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Yea so my friends are evil!!!!! first they taped my hands and feet together....then they hid all my gum without me realizing it....then they cursed Sams Club so the power goes out and i couldnt buy anymore....AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! dont they sound like nice wonderful people!!!!!....hehe but i bet i know where it is...they arent that sneaky.....not at all...lets see if i'm right....HAHA!!! FOUND LIKE 5 PACKS OF IT!!!!!!...told ya yall cant beat the amazing mind ofHeather...i played clue yesterday...i'm a detective god damnit! you cant fool me!!!! |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 21st, 2006|12:26 am] |
so i dont even know. this week has been so crazy. ive had so many things to do for classes(like 5 tests/quizzes, BIG lab report etc)I'm so glad its over...just too incredibly overwhelming....
on a side note...this is really random and came out of nowhere but Matt has been coming to mind an awful lot more lately than usual. up until probably about yesterday i could think of him and all the good times and not be upset about what happened. i thought i had healed...i thought i had healed a long time ago. in less than a month it will be the 1 year anniversary of his death. how crazy is that. 1 year already. it seems like it wasnt that long ago that he was pounding showtunes out on the piano so Cindy and I could have something to sing too during breaks in school. Time flies way too fast. it still bothers me that i hadnt spoken to him for a while before it happened. Thats mainly what keeps coming back. The feeling i had the day before he passed that i should call him to say hi, and the feeling i had when i answered my phone for the first time that day with a hysterical friend on the other side. I have no idea what is triggering these memories. Its not like always, just random times. I went to a movie today with Sarah and Corey and for some reason it popped nito my head toward the end of the movie. no reason. i dunno. i miss him. i never admitted to myself that it still hurt. I keep doing the "theres nothing you couldve done about it, let it be) speech in my head over and over but it doesnt work anymore. almost a year later and it still hurts. i think November 14th is going to be hell. but itll pass. just like every cloud over my life ever has done before. |
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